Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
This toilet bowl is my home.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
