I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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