girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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