dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
