During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I can't turn off my feet"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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