One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
