just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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