I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
