Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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