Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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