I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
