areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I cannot find my penis.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
