You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
