Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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