I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
