I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
