i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
