dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
