when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
