Swine flu. Run for my life!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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