and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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