she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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