Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
