apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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