i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
