I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
