week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
