I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
