she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
