I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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