So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
