i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
