I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
