Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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