Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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