come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
