Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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