Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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