When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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