then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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