I skipped work to stalk him.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
