Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
