how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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