We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
