Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
