I haven't been this sober since birth.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
