i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
