ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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