after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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