If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
