I never want to see another naked old woman again.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
